Wednesday, April 18, 2007
oh pooh.i'm back now...finally. :Di'm feeling really bad now.okay let's say bad in two ways.first, my nose is going to fall off any moment.and i'm being very serious about this.second, i'm very depressed. i mean it's like everything happening around me is really affecting me.affecting me in a BAD way.i see my bro and his girlfriend everyday and they seem so happy together.just can't help being a little jealous.i see all my friends.they look really happy. like they've got a whole life ahead of them, planned out so nicely.how about me?love life? that's only a dream now.friendship? that's a past. my helplessly pathetic and loserfied past.how about my future? considering my grades, i won't make it past JC. or maybe even Sec four. i could be the oldest stay-back-student ever. now i think about it, my future's gonna last just another two minutes. i want you to think about this. if you are helplessly trying to cling on to your present life, hoping you won't fall away and then it just gets too tiring, too useless.why should i hang on anymore?slashing myself doesn't help.i've tried that.burning things doesn't help either.would you keep on clinging onto that piece of life you have left?or just let go, hoping to find peace.i know i would let go.i just feel so bad.i don't understand myself anymore. it's like a waste of time to continue living. it's going to end anyway.why don't i make myself useful and end it now.i'll save the earth some oxygen.i'll save other people from suffering with me.oh gosh.i feel like crying right now.oh crap. i'm crying.and no i don't need unnecessary pity.i just want to end it all so bad.oh so bad.i don't know if i'll see you tomorrow. every morning i wake up disappointed.disappointed to find myself in my bed.disappointed to have to continue living this useless life.i probably need a lot of support now.i just need to find somei only have one pillar.the rest have crumbled.i sit on the window ledge in my dreams.when i let go of that piece of life, i feel like my spirit has been released from the cage this world has enclosed me in.i'm falling.my hair is flying behind me.but just like life.this only lasts for seconds.your moment of glory should be enjoyed.but when you fall.and hit the ground.the effects are permenant.and that's when i wake up.i wake up ohsodisappointed.i can breatheand that's like a curse now.i don't want to continue anymore.i want to let go of that mask i put on everyday in school.i want to feel at peace.i want to be able to close my eyes at night and open them the next day, to find God smiling over me.not my dad waiting for me to get out of bed.i really hope that this will be the last post i ever publish.i really hope tomorrow, i'll be watching all over you from up there.from HEAVEN.- your yellow house rep.
ONE ONE '07 IS Y (11:10 PM)
